


when a goodbye kiss feels like this

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: mattex ficlets! [2]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Pillow Talk, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: “Stay over?” she asks quietly.
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Series: mattex ficlets! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135766
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	when a goodbye kiss feels like this

**Author's Note:**

> fic title from Don't You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson

“Stay over?” she asks quietly.

He turns to look at her over his shoulder, unsure if he heard properly. They hadn’t really talked about whatever  _ this  _ was between them, though he desperately wanted to. But every time he brought the subject up, she would distract him with lustful kisses and her beautiful curves, her hips rocking needily against his. 

“Do you really want me to?” he asks back. 

She hesitates, biting her lip. “I think we should talk.”

_ Finally _ , he thinks. He turns back to face her, making himself comfortable on her bed as she sits up, a sheet wrapped around her front. She doesn’t make eye contact with him, staring straight ahead at the room, her lips pressed into a thin line. 

“I think we should stop,” she whispers, after a few seconds of uncertain silence. He almost interrupts but she continues, not noticing. “We never should’ve - I’m - we were both lonely and - and we weren’t thinking straight that first time - 

“What about all the other times, then?” he asks, frowning. “What about when we weren’t drunk?”

“Matt...” she starts, shaking her head. “We should stop before things get too far and - and people get hurt.”

“Is that really what you want?” 

She looks up at him with wide eyes. “Is that not what you want?”

He shakes his head. “What I want doesn’t matter if you don’t want it.”

She closes her eyes and sighs sadly. “I swore off actors years ago, Matt. And I’m not breaking that rule, especially not for someone like you.”

“Like me?” he says quietly.

“Young. Beautiful. Wanted,” she states, bringing a hand up to his face. Her hand drops and she looks away. “I did that once, and I’d rather not do it again.”

“Alex,” he says softly, but her eyes are filling up with tears, so she doesn’t look at him. “I just... I think you should know that I wasn’t expecting anything else after our first night. I - I genuinely thought you’d push me away afterwards, chalk everything up to the alcohol and move on with your life, but then it kept happening. We kept spending nights together. And I don’t know how, but... I want you  _ so _ much, Alex.”

“Matt -“

“I know,” he assures her before she can finish, smiling bravely through the tears in his eyes. “Swearing off actors - I get that. I can’t guarantee that I’ll never hurt you.” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “But I think I’ll need some time to - to be able to move on.”

“Matt,” she says shakily, and when he looks at her she’s crying, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Matt, you don’t - I’m not someone you need to get over -”

“You are,” he says plainly. He shrugs, running his hand through his hair and swiping the tears away from his red-rimmed eyes. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, Alex, but I did. I know you don’t feel the same way - that’s okay.”

She remains silent for a while, and when he turns to look at her she’s shaking her beautiful head, wild, golden curls flying about as she does.

“In love?” she repeats, looking at him. He nods. Her bottom lips quiver as she closes her eyes and lets a few more tears escape, sniffling a bit. “How do you know that it’s real?”

“Because I’ve never been this ready to leave if this isn’t what you want,” he replies immediately. “Because I would do anything you asked me to, even if it hurts. Because I’ve never, ever wanted anyone more in my entire life. Because I can’t think straight around you. Because you’re gorgeous and amazing and kind and funny and you flirt so outrageously and I’ve been waiting so long for you to look at me like someone to love.”

She takes a deep breath as he finishes, sniffling as more tears escape. Her voice is shaky as she whispers, “You should’ve said sooner.”

He smiles ruefully. “What difference would that make?”

“I would’ve said I loved you too.”


End file.
